Past Tense, Present Strength: My Family’s Story

Have you ever heard the comical phrase “That’s Your Family!!!” If so, did you begin to remanence about close family members of the past? Was there a smile of gratitude about those of the present? Is there a story that comes to mind when you ask, “what is the true definition of my family?”

Family Unit

A family is the foundational unit of society, providing emotional support, shared experiences, and a deep sense of belonging to its members.

Definition

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a family is defined as “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children.” However, the concept of family extends far beyond just biology or legal marriage.

It can also describe a group of individuals living together under one household, a broad network of relatives, or even a tight-knit circle of chosen friends. Ultimately, a family is a stable group of people who care for, protect, and rely on one another through life’s challenges.

Biological Family

My biological or blood family consisted of five loving members. I’ll explain the use of past tense language shortly. As the Merriam-Webster Dictionary points out, I was raised in a traditional household living under one roof.

Father – Husband

Mother – Wife

Sister – Daughter

Brother – Son

Me – Daughter

Family Values

As a strong Christian faith practicing group of individuals, the five of us shared five especially important family values.

1. Love

“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12.

2. Respect

This family value was and is important to give reference to one’s rights, wishes, personal rules, etc.

3. Trust

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5.

4. Communication

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29.

5. Responsibilities

“Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2.

Family Challenges

In July 2002, God blessed this family with its sixth member. His role in this network of relatives consisted of being an only child, only grandson, and only nephew. He is the piece of the puzzle that made my family complete and whole.

However, that same year, in December, with a joyful smile, frail body, and frail hands, the head of the family, my father held his only grandson for the first time before he passed away. Needless to say, my father’s only grandchild never got the opportunity to sit at his feet.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

This was the beginning of using past tense language concerning my biological family. Our dynamics at once shifted and we gracefully transitioned into our new family roles.

Pros and Cons of Changing Family Roles

After the passing of my father, there were pros and cons that occurred during each member’s transition. Here is a breakdown of how these pros and cons reshaped my family dynamics:

Mother’s Pros

Mom’s role shifted as not only being a mother, but now also a grandmother. This profound identity shift moved her from the primary decision-maker for her adult children to an elder and matriarch.

Mother’s heartaches and pains would temporarily subside while her smile would light up a room as she bragged about her grandbaby.

Mom’s strong faith in God boosted her ability to provide the care needed to develop the bond between all of us.

Mother’s Cons

She was not handling the most difficult role of her life; being a widow. After 49 plus years as a supportive and loving wife, being the head-of-household would eventually take its toll in later years.

Sister’s Pros

Sister became an aunt to her only nephew.

She functioned as a buffer between younger sister who is now a mother to her nephew.

As an older sister, she provided love and guidance while caring about the tradition of family values.

Sister’s Cons

Sister is now fatherless and motherless.

As the first born and oldest, she is catapulted into the role of mother and matriarch.

Eventually, because of her unhealthy lifestyle habits, she too was taken away too soon.

Brother’s Pros

Brother became an uncle to his only nephew.

Brother found a wife and became a husband.

Because brother is the only male child from the original biological family, he had the dual role as the adult male figure of two different families.

Brother’s Cons

Brother is now fatherless, motherless, and without an older sister.

Sibling rivalry with nephew’s mother (i.e., me) takes its toll and family bonding decreases over time.

Unexpectedly, brother’s lifestyle and unhealthy habits causes him too to make his wife a widow.

This is the end of using past tense language concerning my biological family. But it’s the new beginning of our strong family bond of present strength.

Present Strength of Mother and Child

Today, as the only surviving member of my biological family of five, God allowed me to be fruitful and multiply. I now walk in the role of elder, mother, and matriarch. My child who is now a young man, encourages me to carry on by showing his devotional love and present strength. God and he are my rock and solid foundation.

Family Values of Generation “X” and “Z”

Because of the large age gap between myself and my child, I’m learning how important it is for us to continue developing and practicing our family values. As a Generation “X” experimenting with Generation “Z” technology, I was intrigued to understand how each of our individual generations’ value the common denominators of emotional support, shared experiences, and deep sense of belong.

Emotional Support

• We offer a safe place to express fears, grief, joy, and uncertainty without feeling judged.
• We encourage one another through prayer, honest conversation, reassurance, and acts of care.
• We help family members cope with loss, change, and responsibility by reminding one another we are not alone.
• We strengthen confidence by affirming each person’s value, voice, and purpose within the family.
• We provide comfort during difficult seasons by showing up consistently with patience, compassion, and love.

Shared Experiences

• We create meaningful memories through family gatherings, meals, milestones, worship, and everyday routines.
• We pass down stories, traditions, lessons, and values that connect one generation to the next.
• We learn resilience together by facing hardship, celebrating blessings, and adjusting to changing family roles.
• We strengthen relationships when younger and older generations share wisdom, humor, responsibility, and encouragement.
• We preserve the family’s history by honoring both past loved ones and the present strength of those who remain.

Deep Sense of Belonging

• We remind each other that we have a place, a name, and a meaningful role in the family story.
• We build identity by connecting to faith, values, heritage, and shared purpose.
• We create unity when each person feels seen, heard, respected, and needed.
• We help one another feel rooted, even when loved ones pass away or family structure changes.
• We show that belonging is not only about living under one roof or separately, but about caring, protecting, relying on, and loving one another through life’s challenges.

In conclusion, I can honestly say that the definition of family is important to understand. As I shared my words in the past tense, I pray my family’s story gives you present strength. It was and is an honor to tell my heart filled story of a stable group of God-fearing individuals who care for, protect, and rely on one another through the good times, bad times, and life’s challenges. “That’s My Family!”